Why embracing change isn’t always realistic
Social media is awash with content about how to “embrace change”, and offering tips on how to “thrive” through life’s ups and downs. But in reality, this isn’t always possible to do. Many of the changes we face are things we haven’t chosen for ourselves; from job losses to relationship breakdown, bereavement, and children leaving home - and a whole lot more in between.
Even the changes that we choose can be hard to embrace; just think about how long it can take you to change the decor in your home, apply for a promotion, or even embark on a new project or activity for fun! Human beings naturally gravitate towards stability and cling on to what’s familiar, because it makes us feel safe. Which is why, for most of us, the idea of embracing change is about as appealing as embracing a cactus!
But whether we like it or not, change is inevitable - both the kind we choose and the kind we don’t - so even if we can’t embrace it, we need to learn how to let go of the old and move forward in our lives.
My new book, Untangled: a practical and inspirational guide to change we choose and change we don’t, is full of useful tools and strategies for living through change. I’ll help you identify what you want out of life, what you need to do to get there, and equip you with the skills to cope with whatever change you’re living through right now. In the meantime, here are a few tips to point you in the right direction:
Find your purpose
Start by asking yourself why you get up in the morning, and what’s the life you want to live? This will help you to view whatever change you’re living through right now in terms of a bigger context.
Honour your values
We all have core values which guide our actions and the choices we make. Living in alignment with those values helps you to make the right decision for you - especially in times of change - and to avoid behaviours and actions which feel uncomfortable.
Practise self-care and self-compassion
Self-care isn’t just spa days and flowers. It’s about giving yourself time and space, setting healthy boundaries and learning to say “no”. Self-compassion sits alongside the practical aspects of self-care; it’s what I like to call the “inside game”. It’s more about not judging yourself or being self-critical, but instead showing yourself the kindness and compassion you would extend to other people and releasing yourself from the pressure to get everything right.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Vulnerability is uncomfortable, for everyone. But it also sits at the heart of change - both the kind we choose and the kind that life throws at us. Allowing yourself to embrace vulnerability is the only way to move forward, so let the feeling in and reach out to another human being. Share what’s happening with someone who’s earned the right to hear your story.
Be courageous
Change is scary, even when it’s change we’ve created ourselves, and living through change takes courage. That doesn’t mean we have to pretend we’re not scared, but evolving and growing as a person is easier when we don’t let fear get in the way.
We all face change in our lives, and although embracing it might not always be realistic, it is possible to learn how to ride the waves of change and overcome some of the barriers which may be holding us back.
You can find out more about living through change in my new book Untangled: a practical and inspirational guide to change we choose and change we don’t, available anywhere you usually buy your books online or in person.
