Give yourself permission to feel
I’ve been busy focusing on wrapping up work before the Christmas break and on the outside, things are running smoothly, with plenty of exciting progress and holiday plans to look forward to. But underneath it all, I’ve also been dealing with some personal stuff—stuff that's not exactly fun.
Dr Brené Brown talks about writing ourselves permission slips—physically putting down on paper (or sticky notes—my personal preference!) what we want or need to allow ourselves to do or be. Part of the reason this simple activity works is because it forces you to stop and become aware of where you're limiting yourself.
So, in the face of everything happening right now, I wrote myself a permission slip: “I give myself permission to feel the feelings.” This might sound simple, but for me, it’s a reminder that I don’t need to push my emotions away to keep moving forward. For years, I’ve worked hard to embrace my feelings, but I’ll admit that when something big happens, I can still feel that pull towards just getting on with it. You know, the “head down, crack on” mindset, where you think that powering through the pain or difficulty is the way to get through it.
While work can be a helpful distraction, it’s still important to make time for your emotions. Of course, work needs to carry on—I’ve got things that need to be signed off before the end of the year, projects demanding my attention, and a lot to wrap up before I go on holiday; and alongside all of that, I’m making a conscious effort to create space for the messy emotional side of things. I’m staying connected with the people who support me, ensuring I take care of my body by eating well and going to the gym, and allowing myself to be present with my feelings without letting them completely take over.
The truth is, we can’t live life in absolutes, especially when it comes to emotions. Self-help advice often offers a binary view: do this, don’t do that. But life doesn’t work that way. When big, unexpected change comes our way, whether it’s a personal loss, a sudden shift in relationships, or other forms of upheaval, we can’t just stop everything to process it. We have to keep going in some areas of life—work, family, responsibilities—but it’s crucial to weave in time to process emotionally too. That means allowing space for sadness, grief, or even joy, while not completely losing ourselves to it.
It’s not easy. It doesn’t make the pain any less intense. I do believe this approach helps us in the long run though. It allows us to integrate the emotional upheaval with the practicalities of life, making us more resilient over time. As I write in my book, Untangled, change isn’t something we can fight against. It happens. But we can choose how we respond.
There’s a quote that really resonates with me in moments like this: “Stand in the storm, don’t worship it.” I used to believe that if I opened the trap door somehow to sadness or grief or loss, it would be all-consuming and I would never be able to get air again. That’s not how it works—feelings don't last forever. They change. They come in waves, morph, evolve and develop. Acknowledging and fully experiencing emotions—whether it’s sadness, grief, loss, or even exquisite joy and love—they're all just for a moment. And that in itself, is very powerful.
I’ll always be a work in progress. I’m not here to give you the polished, perfect answers—because those don’t exist. I am committed to showing up and sharing my journey with you. Life is messy, and we’re all figuring it out as we go. So right now, if you’re going through something big and painful, I want to offer this reminder: it’s okay to feel the feelings. You can allow sadness, grief, or any emotion to come and go without letting them swallow you whole. Life has a way of moving forward, even in the toughest times, and there’s always another breath to be taken.
Take care of yourself, and give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel.
