How to be more intentional
“Intentional living is about living your best story.”
Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of being intentional about life and prioritising the things that matter most. But although most of us would agree that it’s a much more fulfilling way to live, it’s not always easy. Living with intention - not just in a day-to-day sense, but also in terms of our time, energy, thoughts and emotions - requires focus, motivation and above all, practice.
We all slip from time to time and end up just going with the flow, allowing our lives to be dictated to us by external forces (like stress at work, household chores and family responsibilities), which is why I’d like to share with you some tips which I find useful when I’m trying to be more intentional - and less reactive - in my own life:
Make time for yourself
If you want to live with intention, the first step is making time to think about what you want and what really matters to you. It might sound obvious, but often it’s easier said than done. Whether it’s meditating, writing in a journal or simply going for a walk with a friend, do whatever works for you.
Ask yourself, what do I want?
This is an incredibly powerful question, and once you’ve followed step one and made time to work out what really matters to you, you should find it fairly easy to answer. In my book, I address the fact that many of us are brought up to believe, ‘I want doesn't get’ when actually, the opposite is true: being clear about what you want provides a starting point for any negotiation with yourself or other people.
Earlier in my career, I worked with a great coach called Dave Ellis (whose book ‘Falling Awake’ I highly recommend). Much of his work focuses on the question, ‘What do I want?’, because it’s so important in building a detailed vision of what we want our future to be.
Write it down
Those of you who know me will have seen this one coming! I’m a huge believer in writing things down because once you do, you’re really committing to it. So, once you’ve followed steps 1 and 2 (made time to think about what matters to you, then decided what it is that you want, big or small), you’re ready to commit it to paper. You can do this either literally or figuratively: the notes app on your phone will do just fine.
I try hard to use this strategy in my own life and I find it really helpful. One of the things that’s important to me - and that I try to be very intentional about - is spending time with my daughter. She’s about to start her final year at school, so there’s a good chance she won’t be living at home next year, which is one of the things that has galvanised me into action. Earlier this year we came up with the idea of ‘Daughter Dinner Dates’, which is basically just making sure we go out for a monthly meal together - sometimes in a posh restaurant, sometimes not-so-posh - and they’ve been a highlight of 2022 for us both.
But making sure that Daughter Dinner Dates happen requires intentionality; it would be all-too-easy to let them slip, especially when life gets hectic and other commitments get in the way. So I approached the idea of Daughter Dinner Dates using the steps I’ve outlined above. Step 1: I thought about my priorities and knew that my daughter was at the very top of my list. Step 2: I asked myself, ‘what do I want’, and the answer was to spend quality time with her, on a regular basis, before she sets out for the Big Wide World. Step 3: I write our Daughter Dinner Dates in my planner, without fail, every month. And on the calendar! So whatever else comes up, I know what my priorities are. Luckily for me, my daughter does the same.
This means that in the face of all the other change and chaos in our lives, we’re still trying to live with intention, to live our best story, at least when it comes to the important things. I hope these tips can help you to do the same.
